I am the reason I am alone
by aikochi
Summary: Time passes quickly, which Nico doesn't quite process until a fateful meeting with a familiar face at the subway station.
1. 1

**I am the reason I am alone**

 _nicomaki_

 _..._

 _it wasn't fate_

"Hey."

Nico ignored it at first. She had one earbud in, so she was more focused on her music and not missing the train than anything. Plus, who would want to talk in such a crowded subway? Of course, _someone_ would want to.

A sharp tap on the shoulder was enough to force Nico to whirl around. Her hair was in a ponytail, which whipped across the unknown speaker's face. Instantly, Nico gasped and spluttered, "Oh my God, I'm sorry. I didn't-"

Maki.

Nico words stopped very abruptly when she met very familiar violet eyes. Time passes, and Nico didn't realize how much had until now, when she observed who was once a young first-year - barely a teenager. Now, Maki looked like she could be a mother - her red hair had grown darker and was longer, maybe reaching past her collarbone. Nico couldn't tell since it was tied into a neat, low ponytail brushed over her shoulder -

"Nico. U-um, san. Nico-san." Nico didn't realize how intensely she must've been staring at Maki, because the latter looked a little shocked. Nico averted her eyes to the floor, noticing how much deeper Maki's voice had become.

"H-hello. Hey, Maki," Nico said. She worried she was too quiet, because when she looked back up at Maki she looked a little confused. However, her sharp purple eyes softened and a smile spread across her face.

"Nico. It's nice to see you!" she said warmly. "God, how long has it been since we . . . saw each other last?" Nico felt her throat bob with a gulp. _Why? Why am I so nervous?_

"Ah, a couple years or . . . so." She giggled. "It feels odd throwing such big periods of time around. You know?" She must've said something off, because Maki scowled. Nico was about to say something, ask her if she was okay, but she knew it would sound weird. Plus, the train arrived. The crowd shuffled on, and Nico found herself standing beside Maki.

The shuttle took off and Nico glanced at Maki. She was already looking at Nico, so an awkward chord struck when their eyes briefly met before they sharply looked away from one another. Nico was reminded of being a third year at Otonokizaka. Her and Maki would always catch one other staring. They used to pester each other about it - "Why are you looking at me, weirdo?" "No, you were looking at me!" Now, they were adults. It felt odd, not being able to say anything. Maybe Nico just hadn't matured like Maki did.

Nico must've been deep in thought because the train suddenly halted, and Nico stumbled to the side. She felt herself run into Maki, who she slumped against. A strong arm wrapped itself around her shoulders, hauling her to her feet. Nico glanced at Maki, blushing hard, before uttering out a croaky, "Thanks. Sorry."

She hurried off the train, the feeling of Maki's arm around her . . . _burnt_ into her shoulders. There was no way she would catch the familiar affections again. She was going to Tokyo for an errand, and she just so happened to run into Maki. It wasn't fate. It wasn't fate. It wasn't fate, it was coincidence.

As she rushed away from the train, a hand caught her shoulder and she whirled around. Once again, she was met with Maki's captivating gaze. She wanted to excuse herself and leave, but Maki spoke.

"Nico-san . . . I'm sorry if I scared you away. I-I just, I want to talk to you," Maki stuttered. Her face was flushed, growing more vivid at each word she spluttered out. Nico wanted to tease her about it. _Look at Maki-chan, losing her cool . . . it's so cute!_

Nico gulped and said, "Maki. I'm so sorry. This is a coincidence. I don't want to." _I don't want to fall for you again._

"No, Nico, I don't want to reconnect in any way, o-or have something . . . like we used to," Maki murmured, looking away. "I just supposed that since I'm just now seeing you, I might as well try to get in contact with you. As friends." She looked at Nico, their eyes truly meeting for the first time in which seemed like forever.

"I am engaged now, after all."

Nico's jaw dropped slightly. She could literally feel everything shatter, and time felt like it was passing slower. She stared at Maki, trying to utter something - _anything_ \- but she was stuck. It felt like hours had passed when she whispered, "Wow."

"Nico, are you okay?" Maki asked. Suddenly, Maki seemed so much more different. She wasn't fifteen, she wasn't Nico's crush, she wasn't a cute girl who Nico didn't realize she needed until it was too late. Maki was a grown, engaged woman.

"Congratulations, Maki," Nico said, smiling. Her voice sounded hoarse, but she hoped Maki didn't notice. "That's-that's amazing." She felt destroyed, and incredibly embarrassed. _I thought I was being mature . . . by trying to turn her away. I probably came off as weird and clingy and childish. God, why?_

"H-hey Nico, I need to go. It's been nice talking to you. Want to exchange contact info?" Maki began to dig in her purse. Nico nodded absentmindedly and pulled her phone from her pocket. They gave one another their phone numbers.

"So, um, goodbye," Nico rasped. She smiled weakly at Maki and turned around sharply on her heel, walking away before Maki said anything else. Tears were hot in her eyes as it repeated over and over in her head - ' _I am engaged now . . .'_

Nico wished for a happy ending. She had almost everything she needed - a handful of friends, a mother who loved her and siblings who cared. However, they were all walking forward. Soon, everyone would be engaged. Everyone would stop walking alone, like Maki. Nico would be left behind, having fallen in the dirt. This time, no one would reach forward to help her up.

She was the reason she was alone.

* * *

should I make a couple more chapters for this? For now I'll call this completed until I get some feedback. I have a lot of ideas as to where this could go

Love Live School Idol Project/Festival belongs to its respectful owners.


	2. 2

_however, a small part of me likes to think it was_

The sun sat lazily at the horizon, casting its faint golden light across buildings. A bitter cold hung in the air, so Nico wanted to get home as quick as possible. She was eager to curl up in bed, scroll around the internet and try to distract herself. The events of the day still left a painful bullet in her chest. She couldn't focus during classes, absentmindedly writing down whatever appeared on the board. She could only think about Maki.

She had really liked her. There was no way in hell she . . . still did. But she couldn't help but feel the ache of discomfort in her stomach. It was chewing a hole within her, the idea that her old dumb crush was engaged.

 _Is this real life?_

She found herself at her home. Nico let out a soft breath, watching a cloud of white come out of her mouth and vanish slowly in front of her. She knocked on the door and drew back her fist instantly, stuffing it in her pocket. It opened within the moment.

"Nico's home!" Cocoa yelled once she saw Nico. "Welcome home, sis." She skipped out of the doorway and into the small house, flopping back on the couch with Nico's other two siblings. Her sisters, Cocoa and Cocoro were second years at Otonokizaka, while Cotarou attended the local junior high. Nico stepped in the house and leaned against the door so it shut, and she observed her siblings.

Everything felt as though it moved in slow motion around her since earlier in the day when she saw Maki. It was as if the world was rushing around her for the past six years and halted to a stop when she opened her eyes and just . . . _realized._

She considered sitting with her family and talking to them, but everything in her ached. She couldn't think of words to say, how to smile or just how to be happy anymore. It sounded dramatic, but her day played out like a stormy gray cloud rolling over a rainbow. So, Nico trotted into the house and walked quickly past her siblings, hiding her face with her bangs. She entered her room and shut the door quickly, then immediately sat down at her vanity.

Nico looked at herself. Her face looked sunken and pale, as if she was riddled with a terrible illness, and her hair was frizzy. She took it out of the ponytail it had been in for the day and her hair fell across her shoulders, looking lifeless like her. She wondered if she had time to jump in the bath and wash it, but she didn't have effort to. After trying to and eventually giving up on running a comb through her hair, she flopped into her bed and shut her eyes.

Of course, she didn't sleep. She thought. She thought about Maki, how miserable she felt, Maki, the dull flatness that was her future, and Maki. Her old friend, the one she loved to be around. Though it had been years and Nico wasn't the most keen at recalling anything from high school, she remembered the achingingly strong feelings she felt for Maki. Whenever she caught sight of the beautiful girl, her heartbeat spiked and she felt happier instantly. She remembered feeling guilty at the fact that she seemed to cling to Maki and pay no attention to her other friends. Nonetheless, the two were extremely close and it was happiest she had ever been in her life. Now, Nico craved that relationship.

 _No. I don't. We're adults._ Nico lips quivered. Denial, denial, denial . . . she felt as though she should accept it. She was acting childish, refusing to mentally admit she still liked Maki.

She sat up, gripping her sheets with bitter frustration. _What's more immature, refusing to accept feelings for an old friend or having them in the first place?!_ She gasped through gritted teeth, not realizing she was crying until she looked at herself in the mirror from the other end of her room. Though there was distance between her and the vanity, she could make out the stains of tears on her face. Nico stared at herself - her pathetic, lame self - then slumped into her blankets, weeping woefully into her pillow.

She blindly reached for her bedside table and felt around until her fingers traced across her phone. She grabbed it and looked at it, her breath trembling as she cried softly. Her mind was hazy, but she managed to unlock her phone and scroll through her contacts until she found Nozomi.

They still talked. Scarcely, but they did. Back when Nico was choosing what to do in life, she got a lot of mental help from Nozomi, who had become a counselor only a couple years ago. Asking her for little help now wouldn't hurt, right? Nico felt so alone and empty, and all she could think of was Maki. She hoped Nozomi could listen.

She dialed her friend. It rung, Nico chanted 'pick up, pick up' in her head. She felt her heart sink as it continued to ring, and she wondered how much worse her day could possibly get. She was ready to cancel the call, but as if she was suddenly blessed, Nozomi answered.

"N-Nozomi! I'm so sorry for calling at this hour, but I-I need to -"

"Nicochi? Hey, we haven't talked in awhile." Nico heard the sound of utensils against dishes in the background. "I'm not sure if uh, now is the best time. Eli and I are eating dinner . . ."

Nico heart dropped to her stomach. She came to her senses all of the sudden, and realized how much of a nuisance she must've seemed like, calling Nozomi at that hour. _God. What am I doing?_

Her thoughts slipped out of her mouth. "I-I'm sorry. Oh my gosh, I don't know what I was . . . thinking." Nico tried her best to hold in the tears, keep her voice steady, but it cracked at the very end of her sentence.

She instinctually cupped a hand over her mouth, her breathing becoming short as she tried her best to hold in tears. However, there was no hiding even a trace of sadness from the likes of Nozomi, who spoke instantly when she had picked up Nico's anguish.

"Nico? Are you okay? You don't sound happy," Nozomi said, her words coming out quick. Nico's could feel a gasp escape her lips. She wanted to hide her sadness, but she could hardly at this point, with Nozomi anxiously asking if she was okay. Caring words were just what Nico didn't realize she needed to fall apart completely.

She started sobbing, trying her best to quietly do it but it was all in her voice when she murmured, "I'm fine. Keep eating with Eli. Bye." She could hear Nozomi trying to stop her when she kept the phone at her ear for a lingering second, before she hung up. Instantly, she collapsed into her bed, crying harder than before. Instead of a quiet weep like before, she couldn't help but bawl hopelessly, the cries muffled by her pillow.

Everyday until then was normal - Nico would go to classes, her part-time job and maybe run some errands afterward then come home to spend the rest of the day with her siblings. Today, however, just had to go out of order. She had to see Maki, who told Nico she was _engaged._ From there, everything was haywire. Nothing felt the same.

Everything hurt.

Her phone buzzed.

Nico looked at it, wiping tears out of her eyes so she could read the text she received. It was Nozomi. She gulped, wanting to look away from her phone, but she read it anyway.

'I'm coming to your house' - Nozomi.

Nico brow furrowed. She stopped crying, and confusion replaced some of the anguish she was feeling. She quickly texted back 'What? No, don't. Don't waste your time on me' She sent it, turning off and placing her phone face down on her bedside table. Nico had really done it - worried Nozomi to a point where her friend was coming to her house. She glared at her phone like it was a bag of rotting fish, before using her sleeves to wipe her teary eyes. She had enough of the phone that day.

 _She's going to come over still._ Nico laid down and took long, deep breaths, each one getting more and more steady. Stress tugged at her heart, and she wanted to hide forever still, but she didn't feel the need to cry. Maybe it was because Nozomi was coming over. Despite the fact that she didn't quite want Nozomi to need to see her in the state she was in, she felt relieved. Nozomi was spookily good with words and comforting people.

Just like that, time passed quick and there was a knock at the door. She heard the shuffle of one of her siblings opening it.

"Nii-chan! Tojo-san is here!" Cocoa yelled from the front door. Nico sighed deeply. She didn't want to leave her room and alarm her siblings with her puffy eyes and sunken cheeks.

"T-tell Nozomi to come in my room!" she called back.

Nico waited, sitting up on her bed and wiping her eyes one last time before smoothing down her hair with her palm. Her door opened and Nozomi poked her head in. Despite the fact that Nozomi was . . . technically uninvited, she felt a wave of warmth. Something about Nozomi was very calming to Nico. Perhaps it was the memories the two shared, or Nozomi's aura. Whatever it was, it made it so easy to spill all of your feelings, thoughts and dillenmas to Nozomi.

She sat down at Nico's vanity. "Nicochi."

"Hey, Nozomi."

There was a silence. It wasn't awkward, though it was weird - Nozomi was staring at Nico as if she was expecting her to start talking. Nico glanced at her, scowled, and sighed heavily.

"Nozomi, I'm so sorry I made you come out here. I promise everything is okay . . . I guess." Instantly, Nico winced mentally. _Dammit Nico, you gave yourself away._ Before Nozomi could interject, Nico continued talking.

"I-I just . . . I've kinda felt a lot of emotions today, _kinda_." Nico paused, then sighed heavily, deciding it would be better to tell Nozomi everything than to hide even some of it. "Today, I ran into Maki at the subway -"

"Maki?!" Nozomi yelped. "Nishikino? For real?" She let out a laugh and leaned forward in the vanity seat. "I can't believe it. The cards said that there would be a connection in between two, and I was wondering if that meant anything important. What happened?"

Nico raised a brow at Nozomi, then continued. "Well, we talked. It was awkward. But at the same time, it was so nostalgic in a way, talking to . . . to the girl . . ."

"That you had a crush on in high school?" Nozomi deadpanned.

"No! I mean, yes, but . . . it's so childish," Nico sighed. "My heart was going crazy when I was standing next to her on the train. She's so tall and pretty now, and I still look like a kid. Then, the train stopped and I fell on her and she . . . she had an arm around me. She was so strong, and it felt like she was embracing me.

"So, I ran. I got off the train in a hurry and somehow Maki caught up to me and we talked. I . . . I thought she was trying to h-hit on me, as self-centered as that sounds." Nico halted, and looked at her hands. She thought about it, the scene replaying in her head. Maki telling her she was engaged. She glanced at Nozomi, who was listening intently.

"She told me she wasn't trying to make any sort of romantic move on me," Nico murmured. "She told me she's engaged."

There was a silence. Crickets could be heard. Then, Nozomi yelled, " _What_?!"

"That's how I felt!" Nico cried. "She . . . the way she said it, she sounded so amused. At that exact moment, I realized how . . . how little I've matured. How behind I am. I thought my high school crush was hitting on me. It's like I forgot we're adults now. And how alone I actually am."

The silence this time was chilling. Nico bathed in her own sadness, refusing to meet Nozomi's eyes. She slumped forward and said quietly, "The worst part is . . . is that I think I still have feelings for Maki. I have feelings for an engaged woman. Isn't that _disgusting_? Sure, it might've been cute to like her i-in highschool, but now . . .it's gross."

Nozomi suddenly stood. Nico looked at her oddly, and watched as her friend strutted to Nico's bed and sat down next to her. For the first time since Nozomi arrived their eyes met, and Nico scowled.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" she asked Nozomi.

Then, Nozomi hugged her. Nico didn't return it but she didn't struggle. She just shut her eyes and sunk into the familiar embrace. Slowly, they separated, and Nozomi, rested her hands on Nico's narrow shoulders.

"Nico, you . . . you're worth so much. To me. To Eli. To your family." Her voice was low, but filled with heart. "Knowing that you feel this way about yourself saddens me. I believe that you are one of the most mature people on this planet. But that doesn't define your worth.

"I know your feelings for Maki are strong. Your eyes, they shined when you talked about her. I think you might need closure if you ever want to get over her." She narrowed her eyes at Nico. "You need to tell her how you felt, Nico. Maybe even how you feel now." Nozomi removed her hands from Nico's shoulders. The latter stared at Nozomi, her eyes wide. Then, she smiled and nodded at Nozomi.

"I-I - thank you. You always know what to say," Nico sighed, looking down. "But . . . Maki's engaged, Nozomi. How in the world do I tell her something like that without seeming like a creep?"

Nozomi pursued her lip, a sign she was thinking. Nico waited as Nozomi leaned back and tapped her chin. Then, as if a lightbulb went off right over her head, Nozomi smiled and held up her finger.

"I want to help you. I've known about your feeling for Maki in the past, and I do now. This time around, you need to get those feelings out," Nozomi explained. "You said you saw her at the subway station, right?"

"Y-yeah?" Nico said, somewhat confused and even a little nervous.

"Good. I'll simply run into her there and ask her a few things. Prod. I'll let you know what I find-"

"Wait!" Nico yelped, holding up a hand. "Nozomi, this is a lot. You know, she's smart. Sh-she'll figure out that something odd is going on if you, one of my closest friends, bumps into her at a subway station only a little bit after she bumps into me. Especially if you interrogate her." Nico looked at her phone, still perched on her bedside table.

"You know . . ." Nico murmured. "She gave me her contact info. That means she probably wouldn't mind me calling her myself. I can spend time with her over the next couple weeks." She looked at Nozomi. "If . . . if I'm an adult, I can do this on my own and confront Maki directly. Let me."

Nozomi was quiet, looking at Nico analytically. She took a deep breath and smiled, nodding at Nico. "You're right." Nozomi suddenly pinched Nico's cheek, much to the latter's discomfort. "See Nico? You're so mature about these things."

"E-eh-heh . . . whatever," Nico mumbled shyly. "It's really nothing. I just don't want to weird Maki out."

They talked for a little bit, mostly catching up, then Nozomi told Nico she had to leave. It was past eight after all, and Nico hadn't eaten anything yet.

"Bye, Nico!" Nozomi said. She stood at the front door. Cocoa and Cocoro were waving lively at Nozomi, while Cotarou merely watched the scene. Nico gave Nozomi a small hug and they exchanged smiles before she left.

"What did you two talk about?" Cotarou asked. His voice was monotone and quiet, but Nico could tell he was actually curious.

"Nothing," Nico said, shrugging. "Just catching up."

Cotarou looked unconvinced, as he raised one brow. Before he could say anything, Cocoa poked her head out from behind Nico and said in an obnoxious voice, "Girl stuff!"

Mildly disturbed by Cocoa's suggestion, Cotarou's face twisted into his discomfort and he nodded quickly before trudging to the chabudai to sit alone and play on his handheld. Nico glanced at Cocoa, a brow raised as her energetic little sister bonded towards Cotarou to bother him more. Nico stood alone near the doorway with Cocoro.

"H-hey, niichan?" Cocoro murmured. Unlike Cocoa, she was soft-spoken and sweet. Sometimes Nico wondered how in the world her and Cocoa could be twins. Had it not been their identical appearances, no one would think they were sisters.

"Yes, Cocoro?" Nico said. She turned to Cocoro, who she had to look up at slightly.

"Is everything okay? Tojo-san doesn't usually come over," she hummed, holding Nico's sleeve loosely.

Nico gazed at Cocoro, who looked at fretful as a mother would at a sad child. Sometimes it felt as if she was the oldest sister rather than Nico with her motherly nature. Smiling, Nico decided to at least tell her some of the truth.

"I didn't have the best day today, and I needed to talk to Nozomi." Cocoro's mouth opened, and Nico knew she was going to tell her something along the lines of, 'You could've talked to me!' So, Nico interrupted her before Cocoro could even say anything.

"It's about stuff you probably wouldn't totally understand," Nico assured her. Cocoro scowled, and looked down. Quickly, Nico added, "But you're still very important to me. Had it been a different situation, I would've gone to you." She placed her hands affectionately on her little sister's shoulders and squeezed, earning a giggle from Cocoro.

"Okay. Thanks, Nico," she said. Suddenly, there was a yell from the kitchen area.

"Nicochi, Cotarou and I want dinner!" Cocoa shouted. Nico and Cocoro exchanged a glance.

"Wanna help me prepare a meal?" Nico offered to Cocoro.

"Absolutely!"

* * *

Nico laid in bed, lights out, her eyes were wide open. Despite the fact that she spoke to Nozomi in the evening she still felt incredibly nervous. How in the world could she ever talk to Maki? _I wonder it her fiance would approve of her talking to me._

She rolled under her covers and sighed quietly. _I wish Maki were here right now. I want someone to cuddle._

Her arms wrapped tightly around a pillow, her fingers sinking into the soft material. She thought being in high school with her. The bantering, the laughs they shared, the times they went out together. Nico wouldn't dare call them dates, but the times they ate at a cafe alone or saw the newest movie together sure resembled one.

 _Hmm . . . that's it. I should take Maki on a pseudo-date._ In her delirious daze, she let herself imagine them chatting and laughing together, just like the old times. Maybe they would hug. _Gosh, we haven't hugged in so long. I want a hug from Maki._

Eventually, Nico fell asleep. She held the pillow tight for every moment she was.

* * *

 _I was very surprised at the amount of reviews/follows/favorites I got on this! it really made my day to see that people were enjoying, so I thought I'd continue it. Things are going to be a little less angsty from here, but I plan on continuing the exploration of Nico's obsession with proving herself and her insecurities about being lonely, and falling behind in terms of 'maturity.' Just because Nozomi talked to her doesn't mean all of Nico's inner turmoil went away_

 _Just a side note, Cocoa and Cocoro (Nic's little sisters) are second years (16/17ish?) at Otonokizaka and Cotarou (Nic's little brother) is a second year (13/14ish) at the local junior high._


	3. 3

_I never paid attention to the small things_

"Wow, really? She's _engaged_?"

Nico looked away and took a bite of the sweet on a platter in front of her. She nodded slovenly, not wanting to look Honoka in the eye. "Yup. Maki is soon to be a married woman . . ."

"Gosh!" Honoka sighed, her voice a mixture of happiness and exasperation. "I can't believe time passes so fast. It feels like yesterday when we were still performing, y'know?" She was washing a dish, her hair tied into a bun hidden by protective cloth in her hair. Honoka glanced at Nico - her blue eyes had dulled with the passing years, but they were still shining with energy.

"Yeah," Nico said after swallowing the sweet. "I didn't really like, realize how fast time passed before I talked to Maki. I can't help but feel like I have to slow down and appreciate the small things now."

"I totally know what you mean. Sometimes, I felt as though things moved so slow throughout school," Honoka observed. "I wonder what the others are up to. Maybe they're all married too."

Nico perked up, raising a brow at Honoka. "Huh? You don't know what they're doing? You know, you were always so passionate about staying in touch with everyone back in the day."

Honoka looked at her, then smiled and shrugged. "I hate to say that yes, I've lost contact with a couple of our old friends. Like Maki." She paused. "I still have Kotori's number, but I haven't talked to her in . . . months." Her smile seemed to fade, and she stopped washing the plate. "I hope France is treating her nicely."

"Me too," Nico sighed. "You should try calling her. I talked to Nozomi for the first time in a while yesterday."

"Really?" Honoka hummed. "Nico, you've been awfully social the past couple of days. Running into Maki, talking to Nozomi . . . you inspire me a little bit." She grinned at Nico, who was blushing lightly.

"Aww, thanks Honoka. I bet Kotori wouldn't mind a call from you," she said, shrugging shyly.

Suddenly, the door to the shop opened. Nico turned around in her seat and saw the familiar, angular face of Umi. She perked up instantly and waved to her.

Umi looked at Nico and gasped quietly. "Nico. Wow, I almost didn't recognize you without your pigtails." She smiled warmly. "It's nice to see you. I take it you're not busy today?" Umi's amber eyes were warm as ever, and her hair was cut into a short bob - something Umi decided to do after graduating from Otonokizaka. The hairstyle had seemed to stick, as she never let her hair reach below her shoulders.

"Nope!" Nico said. "Someone else could fill in my shift today, and I have no classes. So I thought I'd come here."

"How was the dojo today?" Honoka asked Umi from behind the counter.

Umi walked past Nico behind the counter and kissed Honoka on the cheek. "The traditional dance class turnout was great. Lots of young, new faces. I have no more classes to teach today, so I got to come home early." She turned to Nico. "How have you been, Nico?"

"Huh? Oh, pretty good," she said. She considered telling Umi about Maki, but Honoka had apparently decided to take on that role.

"She saw Maki the other day!" she yelped to Umi.

There was a short silence as everyone stared at Honoka, including some people sitting at tables in the small shop. A short moment passed before people lost interest and continued their chatter while eating. Umi cleared her throat and raised a brow at Honoka.

"Sorry about yelling," she giggled sheepishly. "Anyway, Nico saw Maki at the subway station." Umi's eyes widened and she turned to Nico.

"You saw Maki-san? Goodness, I didn't realize she even lived around here anymore. I guess she does need to work at her parent's hospital, but I haven't seen her since . . . since . . ." Umi's voice trailed off and she gazed sadly at the counter. "How's she doing? I bet she was happy to see you, since you two were quite close."

Nico's lips tightened together at Umi's words. _If only we could still be that close,_ she almost said. Luckily, it didn't actually slip out and she met Umi's eyes.

"She's engaged," she said flatly.

"Wow, really?" Umi responded, her tone calm. Nico tilted her head and Honoka only smiled, winking at her. A second passed and Umi eyes widened to the size of saucers and she jumped backwards, hitting the nearest wall.

"What?! Sh-she _is_?" Umi cupped a hand over her mouth. "But . . . I . . . she's so young . . . that must mean she has a partner! That she . . . sh-shameless . . !"

Nico was terribly confused at Umi's reaction, while Honoka was practically belly-laughing at her mortified girlfriend. Nico wanted to ask poor Umi if she was fine, but she cleared her throat and looked at Nico, looking collected even though she was trembling lightly.

"Good for her," Umi murmured, before retreating into a door behind the counter. Honoka wiped her eyes and ceased laughing, a big smile on her face.

"What just happened?" Nico deadpanned, looking at Honoka.

"Oh, poor Umi," she giggled. "Even as an adult, she's so modest about anything related to romance. I sometimes wonder how she didn't explode when I asked her on a date for the first time." Nico couldn't help but let out a tiny laugh. She felt a little nostalgic; hanging out with Umi and Honoka reminded her of being in high school.

 _Except Maki wasn't engaged. Ugh, sometimes I wish we could be in high school forever._

Nico laid on the couch at home. It was still the middle of day, so all of her siblings were at school and her mother was at work. She appreciated getting days like this to herself. She was lucking out with shifts lately. Her solemn mood had really improved since the day she talked to Maki - yesterday was especially fun, as she ended up going to the movies with Umi and Honoka.

She was scrolling through a social media, clicking around accounts and looking at photos. She was wondering if Maki had an account at all. _Huh, how have I not considered that she might?_

Nico searched for her, and a large number of Maki Nishikino fanclubs appeared. She found herself giggling a little - she really appreciated how many people cared for u's like that even now that they're disbanded, but she couldn't help but wonder if they knew as much about Maki as Nico did - like how clumsy and cute she could be.

 _Hmm. I wonder if she's still like that any more._ She scrolled around, looking at the various Maki-centered accounts, until she came across one . . . centered around _nicomaki_. Nico blushed - she knew exactly what it meant. The fanpages dedicated to her and Maki's relationship. Like how fans saw how elegant and beautiful Maki was, and not how flawed she could be, fans saw Nico and Maki's relationship as cute, filled with teasing and love. Back when Nico and Maki sang Magnetic Today, fans went insane, using the song as evidence they were dating or beyond. Every CD cover or picture with them even remotely close together would make every _nicomaki_ fan swoon over the relationship more. Nico couldn't help but enjoy it back in high school, the idea that her and Maki seemed close enough to be considered a couple.

Of course, Maki seemed indifferent about it then. During u's interviews, whenever Nico and Maki were asked if they were a couple, Maki would go quiet. She'd look away, even. Nico would usually answer with a joke, or just try to avoid the question overall.

She sighed. _How in the world am I ever supposed to tell Maki how I feel when she probably didn't even like me in high school._

Suddenly, she got a text. Usually, it would be from her mother or maybe even one of her sisters, but it was from Nozomi. Raising her eyebrows, Nico clicked on the notification.

'Good afternoon, Nicochi! Have you called Maki yet?'

'Wow, way to get to the point,' Nico answered, smirking. Then, her smile disappeared and she dropped her phone on her chest. Of course she didn't call Maki, even though she told Nozomi she would. Stress had lurked ever since she proposed that she'd do it, but with each passing day she told herself she'd do it later . . . and later meant the next day. Nico had everything she needed to call Maki.

Besides the courage to, of course.

Her phone chimed with a text.

'That's my style. Now answer my question!'

Nico sighed. She texted back, 'No, I haven't. But I'm going to.' She put her phone on her chest again and waited, staring at the ceiling. She wasn't going to.

 _It would be so much easier if I just moved on. If I don't call Maki, then I can lose contact with her again and . . . end it all._ She lazily lifted her phone to her face. _But I don't want to._

"Damn you, Maki," she muttered. Her phone chimed again, except Nozomi was calling her this time. Nico groaned loudly, cleared her throat and answered.

"Hello?" she said sweetly.

"Nicochi! You _have_ to call Maki!" Nozomi yelled through the phone. Nico narrowed her eyes.

"Must you yell?" she asked. "And I will. I want to. I just . . . don't know how. Or when."

"Nico, you can't wait. Eventually, enough time will have passed for it to seem weird if you called her. You _have_ to. I will come to your house and force you to if I have to," Nozomi threatened. Nico shuddered.

"No, thanks." She sighed, and her voice softened. "Trust me Nozomi, I know exactly what I'm doing."

"You just told me you don't know how, or when, you should call her," Nozomi deadpanned. Nico opened her mouth to protest, but she found herself without a comeback. Shaking her head in frustration, she replied.

"Okay, I know exactly what I'm doing for the most part. I have to go," Nico muttered into the phone. She would've pulled it away from her ear and hung up, but she found herself wondering how Nozomi would respond. Her friend was goofy and even pushy at times, but very wise.

"Call her tonight Nico. Before you go to bed. She's a busy girl, so nighttime is probably the only time she's available," Nozomi advised.

A silence followed. Nico stared at the ceiling, letting Nozomi's info sink in. She scowled. "How do you know she's busy all the time?"

"I just do," Nozomi said simply. "Now, go. Bye bye, Nicochi." Before Nico could say anything, Nozomi had hung up, and she sighed heavily. _I guess I should trust her._ She sat up and headed for the kitchen. She opened a cabinet and climbed on the counter to swipe a bag of sweets from the highest shelf.

She tugged it open and popped one into her mouth. It tasted amazing, but Nico was too distracted to savour it. She hurried to her room and shut the door, stuffing a couple more candies into her mouth as she leaped onto her bed.

Her phone was in the pocket of her jeans. She pulled it out and checked the time - it was a couple hours after noon. Her siblings would be home soon, so she should probably prepare a snack for them to ease their hunger before dinner. She remembered that her mother would be coming home that night, so she also wanted to wash herself and look her best.

 _I have too much to do. I can't call Maki tonight._ Nico shoved a couple more sweets down her throat and hurried to the kitchen to put the bag back where she found it, and headed to the bath to wash up. She stopped in her tracks through, standing alone in silence a couple steps from the bath. She looked behind her, to the door of her room where her phone was.

Quickly, she hurried back and dialed Maki. Her heart pounded, and she chewed on her nails. _What the hell am I doing? Hang up, Nico, you're going to make a fool out of yourself._ Her breathing was starting to get short and she desperately wanted to hang up, but she waited. It rang a few times.

Maki didn't pick up.

Nico's tense shoulders slumped and her heartbeat slowed as Maki's message played, telling Nico to leave a voicemail. She listened to it intensely, drawn in by the sound of Maki's voice.

"Hello, this is Maki Nishikino. Currently, I am busy. Please leave a voicemail, and I'll call you back. Thank you."

In high school, Maki had a medium-pitched, nasally voice that Nico never paid much mind to then - she just wanted to see Maki all the time. Now, Maki's voice had dropped to a pitch that rivalled Umi's, and still held the same nasally tinge it always did. However, it sounded so soothing and serene now.

There was a beep from Nico's phone, notifying her that she had to leave a voicemail. She pulled the phone away from her ear and stared at the device like it was some foreign object, before realizing she had to leave some message if she wanted Maki to call her pack.

"U-uhm, hello Maki. It's Nico. Yazawa. Ahem." She gulped, wondering what to say. "I-I was wondering if maybe, uh, you would like to hang out soon? Or talk. Whatever's easiest for you. Bye." She pressed the 'Send' button at lightning speed the second she finished talking, then slammed her phone onto her bed and whirled around. Her face was bright red, and she was sweating so much that she would for sure need a bath now.

 _That was an absolute mess._

Nico's phone rang during dinner.

Her entire family turned their heads to glare at her. Out of everyone she could choose to glance at, she chose her mother, who she briefly looked at apologetically before pulling her phone from her pocket to check the caller.

"Eheheh, probably just Nozomi," she giggled nervously. "Sorry about this, guys-" Her sentence came to a screeching halt when she read the one name she had subconsciously hoped it wouldn't be, not in a million years, yet the one she was desperately hoping to speak to.

"I-I . . . I need to take this," Nico stuttered, dropping her utensils onto her dish and standing. "I promise I'll be fast. Sorry." She scuttled away from the chabudai, feeling the stares of her family on her back as she vanished into her bedroom.

She had unfortunately taken too long excusing herself from dinner and scurrying to the room, so her phone showed a missed call notification. She let out an annoyed and slightly anxious groan before pressing the 'Call back' option. She pressed the phone to her ear, worried she'd forget every rule of speaking, sentence structures -

"Nico?" Maki's voice was like honey laced with poison - soft yet sharp. "I'm sorry I'm calling you back so late."

"Maki," Nico breathed into the phone. She was talking to her, the elusive Maki Nishikino, who she has had a crush on for too long now. Her heartbeat was so powerful that she could hear the blood rushing through her ears. For a brief second, she wondered if Maki could hear it. "You're fine. It's all fine."

"Are you okay? You sound feverish," Maki detected. Nico's face flushed and she wanted to squeal. And puke.

"Wow, looks like someone's got nurse instincts," Nico giggled nervously. She hoped to lighten the mood with some joking. There was a pause from across the line, then a suave chuckle. Nico almost melted.

"I guess those expensive classes _have_ indeed been paying off," she replied. "Nico, I got your voicemail. I'm pleased you called me. I was a bit nervous about making the first move."

Nico's eyes widened. "Th-that's an interesting choice of words," she said quietly, her face warm.

"Why?" Maki asked innocently. Nico wanted to laugh it off, and tease Maki at how cute and childish she could be . . . but that phrase - 'first move.' It sounded as though Maki was nervous to call her.

"Since you have a fiance and all," Nico squeaked, her hand shaking.

There was silence from the other side. Then, Maki whispered, "Right." She spoke louder. "You don't understand, I didn't meant anything weird."

"I don't understand? I think you're the one who doesn't understand the romantic undertones of that phrase, Maki," Nico scolded her teasingly. She felt her heartbeat slow. The conversation was starting to feel very natural, how they felt when they were younger.

"Ueeh . . ? O-of course I understand it, idiot!" Then, Nico could hear the actual sound of Maki cupping her hand over her mouth. Nico cackled a little.

"Maki-chan is losing her cool, it seems!" Nico laughed. She flopped onto her bed. "Anyway, we should hang out. When are you not busy?"

"Umm, I'm not busy on . . . hold on, I'm checking my calendar," she muttered. Nico waited, and sighed softly. It felt so nice to talk to Maki. She seemed a lot more human at the moment than she did at the subway, when Maki seemed untouchable.

"I'm not busy the day after tomorrow. Would that work for you?" Maki asked.

 _Sorry everyone, I'm clearing my schedule two days from now._

"Absolutely! Um, I guess I'll see you then, Maki Nishikino," Nico responded. "Could you arrive at my house and maybe we'll see what we could do from there?"

"Sure. Bye . . . Nico Yazawa," Maki said. Her voice was tinged with amusement. It was a nice kind though, not like the amusement her tone held when told Nico she was engaged the other day. It sounded natural.

"Later, Maki," Nico murmured. She waited for Maki to hang up. She shoved her face into a pillow and screamed gleefully, her legs kicking.

She rolled over onto her back and sighed happily. She felt like she couldn't stop smiling. Everything was fitting into place, the stars were aligned - but nonetheless, Maki was still engaged. Nico's smile faded when she reminded herself that.

But it didn't matter. She would be spending time with someone she loved in high school and still does now, and that's all that mattered to her in the moment.

One of her family members shouted, asking Nico if she could join them for dinner again. She rolled out of bed, a skip in her step as she left her room.

Everything suddenly felt like it was going to be okay.

* * *

 _heyo, Aiko here! It's labor day weekend so I was able to whip out a chapter in my free time! as you can tell, this chapter is a lot more light-hearted than the others. I was trying to take a little break from the angst and shine some happiness on poor Nico, and also turn the spotlight to some other u's girls like Honoka and Umi. I'm going to try and cover what every girl is up to now. So far, I've covered Maki (medical student), Honoka (helps with her mom's sweet shop), Umi (works at family dojo), Kotori (is studying fashion abroad), Nozomi (counselor), Eli (principle Otonokizaka) and Nico (part-timer + business student). Rin and Pana are the only two left, which is ironic considering Hanayo is my best girl. Sorry kayochin!_

 _With the pace of the story rnow, it might extend beyond five chapters like I planned. Or it may not. We'll see!_

 _Thank you for reading!_


End file.
